Managed to catch a talk by Gary L. Thomas when he popped by Singapore last Tuesday. Being a prolific author and speaker on themes that centre around family relationships and such, it was no surprise that he spoke on the main reasons why relationships sour and eventually break down. What DID come as a surprise was that he didn’t stop there. He went on to qualify why such reasons not only disrupt our human relationships but worse still, they negatively affect our perspective of how we live, and how we relate with God.
He started out by reading a passage from 1 Kings about Elijah and the widow at Zarephath (vs. 7-24). It recounts the time where there was a drought in the land for 3 years, and God commanded Elijah to go to Zarephath of Sidon and stay there, relying on a widow there to supply him with food. Elijah obeyed, got to the place, and asked the widow for water and a piece of bread. The widow told him that she didn’t have any bread, only a ‘…handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug’ (v12b). And she was gathering some sticks to cook a meal for herself and her son, so that ‘…we may eat it -and die’ (v12d). Elijah reassures her of the Lord’s provision, promising that in exchange for a small cake of bread, the Lord promises ‘…the jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD gives rain on the land’ (v14). And it came true!
However, sometime later the son of the widow grew ill and died, and the widow in her grief blamed Elijah. He then took the boy and cried out to the Lord to restore the boy to life. The bible records that ‘…The LORD heard Elijah’s cry, and the boy’s life returned to him, and he lived’ (v22).
And this is what the widow said, ‘”NOW I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the LORD from your mouth is the TRUTH.”‘ (v24, emphasis mine)
Gary stopped here, and pointed out that only after the 2nd miracle was the widow CONVINCED that Elijah was a prophet. What happened the first time? Why wasn’t the widow thankful for the continual sustainance during the 3 years of drought?
He suggested that during the 3 years of drought the widow’s reaction to the never-ending flour and oil ran the gamut from surprise to wonder to gratefulness… and then to supposition. In that order. In fact, after a few months she would have been surprised, not if the oil and flour was there, but if they were not. The reason why the widow could react the way she did when her son died, even after seeing proof of God’s power, was in that desperate situation she forgot that God had already blessed her.
Gary then quoted Matthew 20:29-34; an account of some blind men clamouring for Jesus’ attention… and when they got it, they desperately cried out, ‘”Lord…we want our SIGHT”‘ (v 33, emphasis mine). He said that in this society where we live we have always had the luxury of choice; of what to eat, what to wear, where to stay… but just remove your sight, which we take for granted day after day, and that would be the one thing would wish you had back.
What really struck me was this; that we have received thousands of blessings from God, but somewhere along the line we’ve stopped thanking God and praising him for them. And this is all the more true for Christians, for our blessings begin with the spiritual, followed by the material. Because when things boil down to the core of the matter, we all know that all we deserve is hell.
And since that is all we deserve, you must agree that anything less than that is a pretty good deal (which it is). Yet day after day we complain about our situation and physical sufferings, forgetting entirely that we’ve received the greatest blessing of all!
It is a sad truth, that we have become so dependent on asking God for INCREASED blessings, that we fail to see the everyday blessings that he has given us, renewed every morning.
This is, interestingly, because we are neurologically wired to ‘adapt’ to our experiences; in other words, we are created to be perpectually discontented. Knowing this, we CANNOT let this happen. We cannot allow ourselves to become dulled to the many wonders we live and breathe and experience everyday. We should not permit our circumstances to get in the way of praising God. Thankfulness has NOTHING to do with the place you’re in, it’s EVERYTHING to do with the attitude you have in that place.
In the same way, when relating our loved ones, we should learn to thank God for them, and for the things and qualities he is working in their lives, instead of focusing on the unimportant issues like whether your husband has left the toilet seat up again. Having a husband with such a fault must surely be better than being a widow; just ask those who lost their husbands in the 9/11 tragedy. And instead of nitpicking on the children, thank God that He is slowly but surely developing some of His choice qualities in their lives. Dr. Gary mentioned something that really struck me here, and i quote,
“If our children are more aware of how they are disappointing us than how God is blessing them, then they may have Pharisees for parents -who don’t love them as much as they are loved.”
Dr. Gary also cautioned the children in the congregation to be kind and accepting of their imperfect parents, because, “…if you can be content with imperfect parents ,you prepare yourself for an imperfect spouse, and to have imperfect children.”
Yes, i know it’s a parenting cum marriage-relationship seminar, and no, i don’t presume to get married anytime soon, heh… but I believe that God made me sit down for this seminar (when I didn’t have to) and addressed some issues which I had on my mind that night. There’s no other response but utter thankfulness for such a God of grace.
